I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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