Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
