Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
