Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
