a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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