im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
