Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
