Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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