Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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