i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
How external is "for external use only"?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
