His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
