but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
