Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
