Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
