I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
