You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
