That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
