im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I look better un-naked...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
