I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
