Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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