Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
