This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
