K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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