The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
