Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
