do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
