Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
