guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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