He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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