thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
