Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
