New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
