***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
