I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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