i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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