It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
