Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
