So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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