dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
did you just send me my own nude
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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