Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
