smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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