i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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