I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
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Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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