I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
