I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
