my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
