: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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