I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
