I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
