I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
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i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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