I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I currently don't understand fingers.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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