what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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