talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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