I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
