dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
