Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
