They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
