How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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