the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
