hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
