just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
