.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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