Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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