i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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