I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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