Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
