If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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