do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Non-Jews are for practice
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
