Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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