I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
