I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Enjoy the penises
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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