So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize