Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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