you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
