Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
