I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
