Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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