the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
