It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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